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Red Dwarf Red Dwarf Space Corp Directives



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001 It is a prime overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information, and, whenever possible, bring them home.
003 By joining Star Corps, each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.
005 The ship's computer may be replaced when its actions lead to the grossendangerment of personnel.
147 Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.
169 States that in a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedule.
195 States that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.
312 All quarantine berths must provide minimum leisure activities.
349 Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.
497 A Crew member must work to earn credits for food.
592 In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.
595 Allows you to keep people in Quarantine for a period of 3 months, however, if the people can use Space Corps Directive 699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.
597 One berth per registered crew member
699 A quarantined crew member can request a re-screening after a period no less than 5 days.
723 Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.
997 Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.
1694 During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him/her clocking off 187 years before he/she clocked on.
1742 No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee
1743 No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.
5796 No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.
5797 A crew member is unable to enter the ship for the safety of the crew whenin an area of chameleonic lifeforms.
68250 A rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation.
7214 To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.
7713 The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.
34124 No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.
43872 Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.
196156 Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.


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